The Lonely Wolf
by RitaChaCha
Summary: Leah Clearwater has been unlucky in love - but that all changes when her best friend Rosalie applies for her to be a contestant on a reality TV dating show. Suddenly the girl that thought she would always be lonely has fourteen men competing for her heart. (Preposterous fluff that shouldn't be taken too seriously!)
1. Curtain Call

**The Lonely Wolf**

 **A/N This is shameless crack fic. I heart #thebachelorau so much right now that I want to give Leah Clearwater her chance to have love (lots of it). SMeyer may not love you Lee Lee but I do – and I truly believe that sometimes things can be so bad that they're good (like that movie about the hot tub time machine). Are you with me?**

 _ **All storylines and characters in this story that bear a resemblance to the Twilight Saga belong to Stephenie Meyer. The concept of the show The Bachelor(ette) belongs to whoever invented it. Everything else in this story belongs to me. No copying or reproduction of this work (or any part thereof) is permitted without my express written authorisation.**_

* * *

 **1.** **Curtain Call**

" _Leah Clearwater has been unlucky in love. She never thought she could move past losing her fiancé to her cousin, but after much reflection she took a chance and put herself out there again. Fourteen bachelors and three crazy months later, she has one lucky man by her side_ - _and the knowledge that nothing will ever be the same again. Join us on an unforgettable adventure_."

Leah blinked as she watched the promo. _Was that even her?_

"Woo-hoo," Rosalie shrieked, clinking her champagne flute against Leah's. "You look like a freaking supermodel."

Leah had to admit she looked good – make-up artists were worth their weight in gold. It was hard to believe that she was the girl in the flowing red chiffon dress gazing dreamily at the camera lens. It was slightly disturbing that the voiceover sounded like it had been given by a phone-sex operator, but she'd learned in the last thirteen weeks that what worked on television was often very different from what felt right in real life.

"Are you _really_ not going to tell me who you picked?" Rosalie whined.

Leah grinned. "I've signed my whole fucking life away, Rose. Non-disclosure agreements that pretty much say they can shank me if _anyone_ finds out before the finale. My lips are sealed."

Rosalie pouted. "Please at least tell me that Emmett made it to home visits?"

Leah laughed. Ever since the network started showing snippets of the bachelors who would appear on the show, Rosalie had made no secret of her obvious preference for the burly man with dimples. The producers had been adamant that only her immediate family could meet the final two contestants. Given that Rosalie was the person who entered her in the show (without her knowledge), she'd been more than a little miffed.

"It's so much more fun to watch you freak out," Leah teased her best friend.

"Seriously? _Bella_ knows the final two, but I don't?"

Leah frowned. "She's my sister, Rose... and unlike you, she is also up to her eye-balls in non-disclosure contracts."

Rosalie raised an eyebrow. "Step-sister, you mean."

Leah shrugged. Rosalie had never made her dislike of Isabella Swan a secret, but even though Leah hadn't hit it off with Charlie's daughter immediately, the shy unassuming girl had become her lifeline. _Bella_ was the one that had brought her ice cream and kept her company after the devastating discovery that Sam's distance in the lead up to their wedding day was because he was sleeping with Leah's maid of honour. Whatever reservations Leah harboured about Bella had disappeared when she had diverted apologetic calls from Emily, forced Leah out of bed in the morning and slapped Sam in defence of her honour.

"Give her a chance, Rose. She's not the same girl she was when Charlie married Mom. She was fourteen then!"

"Whatever," Rosalie snarked.

Leah rolled her eyes. "You're not going to be like this the whole time they air the show, are you?"

Her friend sighed. "Nope – but I am going to press for whatever titbits you can give me without risking a lawsuit."

Leah cocked her head. "I can tell you that I kissed more than one of them, does that count?"

Rosalie threw a cushion at her. "You slut – I bet that caused a ruckus at Castle Cock."

"Castle- _what_?" Leah spluttered, the alcohol in her throat sliding the wrong way.

"Castle Cock," Rosalie answered curtly. "What else are we going to call some man-monastery where a bunch of dudes just sit in contemplation waiting for you to grace them with their presence? Wait... Dick Dwelling? Tubesteak Townhouse? Sausage Sanctuary?"

"Stop," Leah raised her hands, torn between laughter and mortification. "You, win. Castle Cock it is, and to answer your question, I don't really know what went on when I wasn't there." _Well except for that one fight, but hopefully none of that would be broadcast_.

"Well I guess we'll find out now... anyway, tell me _who_ you kissed and you'll really put a smile on my face."

Leah mimed zipping her lips shut. "No can do, doll-face."

Rosalie opened her mouth to grill her again, but was distracted by the theme song for the bachelorette coming back on the television. "It's starting!" she crowed.

Leah watched as her closest friend edged forward on the sofa, eyes glued to the screen. A buzzing sound distracted her and she glanced across to her phone.

 ** _"Hey babe,_**

 ** _Sitting on the couch ready to watch episode one. You look beautiful in the trailer._**

 ** _xxx"_**

Leah beamed as she read the text, fingers fumbling as she crafted a response.

 ** _"You look pretty good yourself, you know. I'm a bit nervous about all the girls in the country falling in love with you while they watch."_**

It was the truth. After what had happened with Emily and Sam, she couldn't help but be suspicious of any man she let herself get close to. She wanted to believe that she could never be betrayed that way again, but the loss of her first love had shaken her confidence.

 ** _"Other girls? Bah! I don't see them Leah. I only see you. I can't wait 'til this is all over and we can tell the whole world that you're mine."_**

Even though he was thousands of miles away, her heart fluttered as she read his words. With every day that passed, he convinced her that everything that had happened in her life had been a necessary precondition for meeting him - and that the best was yet to come.

"That's him isn't it?" Rosalie muttered out of the side of her mouth.

"Yup," Leah murmured. Still dazed from her lover's words, she was unprepared when Rosalie lunged, grabbing the cell right out of her hand and dashing across the room, her arm thrust out to stop Leah form reaching her.

"And the mystery man is ..." Rosalie crowed, scrolling upwards with her thumb to reveal his identity. "What the-?" she continued as she saw the name of the person Leah was texting. "T.O.? Who the hell is T.O?"

Leah bit her lip as she prepared for her confession. Rosalie knew she had made a choice, she just didn't know how serious Leah's choice was.

"The One," Leah whispered, barely containing her excitement. "I saved him as 'T.O.' because he's The One."

A small giggle escaped her lips and before she knew it Rosalie was smothering her with a hug. They both jumped up and down with glee as the first episode began.

* * *

 **A/N: Okay, tell me honestly. Would you read this? I think it could be a hoot! Tell me who you think is: a) a contestant; b) the first person Leah kisses; c) in the final four that take Leah home to meet their families: and, d) the winner. I am writing this with no plan (I never do that!) and am open to ideas about dates, scandals and anything really.**


	2. Cast of Characters

**A/N: This is my first attempt at chic lit/fluff. I am trying to use it as a break from the angst-y and highly descriptive other works that I create. It turns out fluff is actually quite hard and not my strong suit. Please review and let me know what you think works and what doesn't.**

* * *

 **2\. Cast of Characters**

Leah had never been as nervous as the first day she met the bachelors. _What if they all hated her and no one wanted to stay on the show?_

She knew she wasn't ugly – although she often did feel like her arse was about to invade Canada, but she worried that there was something fundamentally wrong with her. The last time she'd trusted a man, he'd betrayed her in the worst possible way. She was more than a little wary of anybody that expressed interest in her after that.

 _"Three years have passed, don't be a whinger,"_ she told herself as she smoothed the corseted dress down. Thank goodness for whale-bone that seemed to lift everything in the right direction.

She was standing at the front of the largest house she had ever seen, ready to meet each of the contestants. She was grateful that the network didn't want her living in the mansion, because the idea of rooming with a bunch of men that she was simultaneously dating as part of a polyamorous reality television experiment terrified her.

"First contestant making his way up," a voice called.

Leah raised her head to the top of the garden as figure emerged from the shadows. He was smirking as he advanced, eyes sparkling as he reached her.

"You are so freaking gorgeous you should be illegal," he drawled.

 _Say something clever_ , Leah's mind told her, but all she managed to respond with was a high pitched giggle.

"I'm Paul," he said, leaning forward to kiss her on the cheek.

She wasn't sure how, but she managed to pull herself together. "I'm Leah," she replied. "Lovely to meet you."

He smiled at her and she wondered if she might fall through the floor. She clearly had no business being on this show. This guy looked like a professional athlete with a model's face grafted on him for good measure.

Static crackled in her ear and Leah remembered the earpiece that the production team had given her. "Leah, you've got thirteen more contestants to meet. Send Paul inside and get this show on the road."

Leah gulped. "Well Paul, welcome. Please help yourself to a drink and I'll see you inside at the cocktail party.

He kissed her again before saying goodbye, this time his hand brushing slightly against her ribcage.

 _He's trouble,_ Leah thought. _Charming, but still trouble_.

Before she had time to collect herself, another man was already climbing out of a limousine that had pulled up at the entrance. He was wearing a crisp dark blue suit with a pale blue shirt, and walked with a regimented gate, causing his shoulder-length blond hair to swing from side to side.

"Hi," Leah called, trying to get on the front foot this time.

"Hey there darlin'," the man replied, reaching out to shake her hand.

"I'm Jasper. It's a pleasure to meet you Leah."

Leah gave his hand a firm squeeze as she leaned in to receive the obligatory peck.

"Likewise Jasper. What do you do?" She couldn't help but realise that she had forgotten to ask Paul that question.

 _What are you worried about?_ She wondered. _History tells you that most people that come on these shows are either strippers or real estate agents_.

"I'm a soldier. I just got back home a few months ago actually."

 _Hello man in a uniform,_ Leah thought to herself. That certainly explained the walk. _Strippers didn't walk like that, right?_

"Well Jasper, I look forward to hearing all about you when we get a chance to speak properly."

After Jasper she met Quil, a beefy guy with cute curls that she had to resist the urge to reach out and pull. He wasted no time drawing her into a hug and telling her that she was gorgeous.

"I'm nervous," she blurted out.

"Me too," he told her happily. "I was worried I would shit myself on the drive over."

Leah snorted. "I can relate. Are you alright... in the pant department?"

He wiggled his eyebrows at her. "All clear so far." He leaned closer. "How are _you_ in the pant department?"

She wasn't sure if he was gross or adorable. His first comments had put her at ease, but she could feel heat rising in her cheeks and she knew she was blushing.

 _Charming Paul. Soldier Jasper. Panty-soaking Quil._ She was probably going to forget all their names by the time she got into the house.

It was a parade of hot men. Quil was followed by Eric, who told her that he was an acrobat. Then came James – a tall blonde who brought her a scarf. She wasn't sure why James thought she needed accessories, but she made sure to let him know that she appreciated the gesture.

She was still shaking her head in confusion when a soft voice reached her ears.

"Wow. You really are stunning." She turned to face the tallest man she had ever seen. He looked at least a foot taller than her and she was not a short person. "Hi. I'm Jacob," the man continued. She tried to bob up on the front of her foot to kiss his cheek, but it was hard in the ridiculous stilettos the network executives had her wearing.

"H-hi Jacob," she stammered as he leaned into her, closing the distance between them.

"Hi Leah. I don't really have words for how thrilled I am to meet you."

He held her a little longer than necessary, but Leah wasn't objecting.

"It's okay," she breathed. "Sometimes words are overrated."

They stood in silence beaming at each other before the producer crackled in her ear again, reminding her that she still had eight other bachelors to meet.

Jacob was followed by a baby-faced boy named Mike. Mike was very confident despite the fact that he looked like the producers had recruited him right outside his high school. Leah was so shocked by his appearance that, after she had ushered him into the house, she turned to the nearest person - who happened to be the camera man – and asked: "Someone checked his I.D. right?" The camera man's shoulders bobbed up and down and Leah assumed that he was shrugging to show that he didn't know the answer. "This is important," she hissed. "We need to check this guy's legal. I'm almost thirty! I can't be going around accidentally cougarising some poor foetus!"

The static crackled in her ear again. "He's the same age as you, Leah. Everyone on the show has a thorough screening and none of the contestants are under twenty-five."

"Okay," Leah responded to no one in particular, wondering why the camera man's shoulders were shaking. _Maybe he was cold_.

"Next entrant coming your way," the voice in her ear barked, somehow aware of her distraction. It was unnecessary though, no amount of internal monologue would have stopped Leah from noticing the man walking towards her. He was the palest person she had ever seen and his skin almost gleamed in the moonlight.

He was a different kind of handsome to most of the men that she met. His features were delicate: soft auburn hair and molten eyes. She was just about to conclude that he was absolutely too pretty when he pulled his lips into a crooked smile that made her heart stutter.

"Hello," he said politely. "My name is Edward." He reached his hand to her and Leah assumed he wanted to shake, but instead he pulled the back of her palm to his lips.

No one had ever kissed Leah on the hand before. She was pretty sure that no other bachelorette on the show before her had been hand-kissed either. Struck by something so entirely foreign, Leah's legs half-bowed, half-curtseyed as she struggled to work out a socially appropriate response.

"Um... that's different Edward, ah... so what do you do?" She wanted to palm her face with her hand at the way she was behaving. If they televised that curtsey Rosalie would never let her hear the end of it. Unfortunately for Leah, Edward was still grasping her fingers.

"I'm a concert pianist," he told her. "Maybe I could play something for you sometime?"

"Sure," Leah said awkwardly. She was the kind of girl who preferred Rammstein to Rachmaininoff, but she wasn't going to turn down a personalised concert, especially not from a man was more chiselled than any sculpture she had ever seen.

Edward was followed by Jared, a handsome but mild-mannered accountant who managed to tell Leah that his ex wife hated him in their two minute introduction. After Jared came Brady and Colin, both of whom looked like pro-athletes and were a little younger than Leah.

One of the stand outs for Leah was a man named Tyler. He wasn't as outgoing as the other contestants, but he seemed normal – a real person that she might actually go to the movies with.

"You freaking out a bit?" he had asked her. When she'd nodded her head in response he'd cocked his head to the side and winked. "Fake it 'til you make it then," Tyler continued. "No one but you and me has to know."

The network seemed to have well and truly absorbed her complaints about never being able to meet guys that were tall enough, because the next contestant was almost as large as Jacob. He'd peeked his head out from behind a tree while she was talking to Tyler – as if he'd perhaps misheard his cue – and had waited once he realised his mistake.

Leah had spotted him in her peripheral vision and once she'd waved Tyler inside she turned back to the small plant that was doing a poor job of hiding the broad man that had ducked behind it.

"You can come out now..." Leah called.

The tall man bit his lip – Leah couldn't help but noticed the fullness of it - before extending his hands in apology. "I'm assuming my attempt at going incognito wasn't successful."

Leah swallowed a laugh. "No, it was very good actually. I couldn't see you at all," she lied. "You were really honing in on your inner James Bond."

He snickered as they hugged. "Call, Embry Call," he introduced himself in the _worst_ Scottish accent Leah had ever heard.

"I'm Leah," she responded. For some reason she put on a fake Eastern European accent.

"Are you from Russia?" Embry enquired.

"Nope," Leah answered, reverting to her ordinary voice. "I just figured I'd also use an accent too. It sounded fun."

Embry started laughing. "You should put on a different one each time you go on a date and see how long it takes before anyone mentions anything. An automatic rose and progression to the next round could go to anyone who has the balls to call you out on suddenly sounding Australian or Spanish."

Leah was chuckling now. "Where have you been? I should have met you first so we could craft this plan _before_ I met so many other contestants."

"No, it's even better if you do it now... and then just speak randomly on the group dates. One sentence can sound Irish, then Bangladeshi." He was looking at her so fondly that Leah forgot to answer him. There was a warmth to his eyes, _to all of him_ when he smiled.

"Why are you on this show?" she blurted out without thinking.

He knotted his brow and Leah realised that what she had said would be easy to misinterpret. _Face-palm. Face-palm. She was getting this all wrong_. "I mean, why would you need help with dating?"

"I'm sure you'll be able to tell me if you get to know me better," he replied wryly.

The producer in Leah's ear forced them to say a quick farewell, but Leah's eyes lingered as Embry walked away. "Don't be so sure," she muttered to herself. So far, a good half of the contestants she had met were out-of-this-world perfect. Where had these men been all her life? She'd dated guys she met in bars, guys she'd met online. Once she'd even dated someone she met at the grocery store, but the guys on this show were in a league of their own.

"Saving the best for last?"

Leah turned to see an enormous man moving towards her. He wasn't as tall as Embry or Jacob, but he had an imposing bulk to him. He would have been quite intimidating save for the dimples that flashed as he grinned at her.

"Lucky number fourteen, are you?" Leah checked.

"Yep. Emmett McCarty at your service," he enthused, sweeping her into an air-crushing hug.

"Can't breathe," Leah gasped.

"Woo-hoo!" Emmett pumped his fist. "Thirty seconds in and I've already left you breathless."

Leah huffed. "Not in the right way!"

"Plenty of time for that later."

She was contemplating punching him on the shoulder when the front door opened.

"Carlisle!" After meeting so many people, she had almost forgotten the host of the show.

"Good evening Leah, Emmett." Carlisle's speech was melodious. "Emmett, please proceed inside to the cocktail party."

With unexpected deference, Emmett scurried off, leaving the bachelorette alone with the host.

"Well Leah. You've now met all your bachelors. Fourteen men have vied for your heart tonight, but only twelve can remain." Leah bit the inside of her mouth so that Carlisle wouldn't see how cheesy she found his dialogue. She wondered if Carlisle had a little voice in his ear bossing him around. _Probably not_ , she reasoned. He just naturally sounded like he was running for office.

"At the end of tonight's cocktail party there will be a rose ceremony and you will give roses to all but the two men you want to leave. Choose carefully Leah, I wish you every success."

Leah took a deep breath and followed Carlisle into the manor. She was just about to ask him if maybe she could have a break – just a little time to sit back and process the oddity of her situation, but before she knew it he was leading her into a ballroom and fourteen heads swivelled, focussing entirely on her.

* * *

 **A/N: You need to let me know if we're in the "so bad it's entertaining" category or not. I'm having fun so I continue to type, but apparently, while I can write drama/angst in any condition, I can only write fluff while I'm on the sauce. Two and a half glasses of wine tells me it's time to write chapter 3. Who do you think is going home after the cocktail party and who do you think Leah will take on the first date? This is interactive people! Your ideas could be just what I decide to write...**


	3. SURPRISE: SOFA!

**3.** **SURPRISE: SOFA!**

"So then I realised that we could take the idea global and now there are three – _three_ \- Newtons' Outfitters stores in the state!"

"Uh-huh," Leah tried her hardest not to look amused. Baby-faced Mike sure knew how to talk. He spoke at a mile a minute, barely leaving time for her to get a word in edgewise. Seeing as he was so thoroughly enjoying chatting to himself, she didn't bother pointing out that three stores in his home-state was not the same as 'going global'.

"I didn't ask to be a business tycoon, really I didn't," he continued, "But sometimes life just takes you by surprise." He seemed to remember that she was sitting next to him and that they were (relatively) alone. He reached out and clasped her hand. "Like this, Leah. _This_ is a great surprise."

Leah cringed. Why had she agreed to go with him when he asked if he could whisk her away for a chat? As handsome as he was, she wasn't sure if she was ready to be pressed up against Mike on a couch - especially when his age was still worrying her. Would it be weird if she asked him to show her his ID? Surely the network could pixellate the details? She just wanted to check for herself that he really was her age before he touched her.

She should have expected moments like this. She'd watched enough episodes of the show before agreeing to come on it to know that lounge settees were a staple prop. It didn't matter where dates were located – whether in a meadow or abseiling down a cliff face - whenever the obligatory activity was complete it was always SUPRISE: SOFA! A magic couch would appear with wine and food to lubricate social interaction.

Leah wasn't sure she wanted to be lubricated around Mike. She also wasn't sure why they had been left to their own devices for so long. Every variant of this show that she'd ever seen had people stumbling all over themselves to have time with the bachelor or bachelorette.

Her heart sank.

 _Maybe she was the first bachelorette that every single contestant - bar baby-face Mike - wanted nothing to do with?_

"I wonder what everyone else is doing?" she mused tentatively.

Mike gave her a smug look. "They won't bother us. I promise."

Well that confirmed it. She was being boycotted. "How do you know?" she asked, bracing herself for the answer.

"We agreed." Mike replied. "No one should interrupt another guy's time with you. It's not very sportsmanlike."

Leah exhaled loudly as relief mixed with incredulity. "Whose idea was that?"

"That Jacob dude," Mike responded. "He thought it was better that we worked out ground rules now rather than get into punch ups later - makes it easier to stay friendly."

Leah couldn't help but admire Jacob. The show was a weird concept, all the more so because the boys all had to live together while dating her. It was a clever person that came armed with a strategy to combat the inevitable jealously and competitiveness.

Leah jumped up. "Better make sure I do spend some time with everyone then – I wouldn't want to disturb the peace."

"Okay, sure." Mike looked disappointed and Leah was tempted to recant, but she knew that she had an important decision to make, and it meant that tonight's cocktail party would be speed dating on steroids.

In her haste to get back to the group she stumbled in her heels and careened towards the floor. She scrunched her eyes shut and braced herself for impact... but it never came. Instead a warm pair of arms wrapped around her.

"Are you okay?" She opened one eye followed by another, taking in the tall stranger holding her in place.

"Jacob."

"She remembers me. I'm already winning," he murmured as he lifted her, gently setting her back on her feet.

"Thanks," she whispered, swooning a little at the feel of his hands of her hips.

"No problem. So where's the fire? You seem like you're in a hurry." He stepped back as he appraised her.

"No fire," Leah peeked over her shoulder, checking that Mike wasn't following her. "Just getting a bit of exercise."

"What's up?" Paul emerged in front of them, Emmett and Eric trailing behind.

"Leah's working out," Jacob said slowly as he stared at her in puzzlement.

"In those shoes?" Brady popped out of the adjoining chamber.

"That's a great idea!" Eric darted forward. "I could teach you a few gymnastic moves if you like?"

Leah spotted Mike moving towards them out of the corner of her eye. She wanted to give him a chance, but he was clearly nervous – and more than that, if he reached them all the boys would know she'd been trying to dodge him, which seemed cruel.

"Sure," she told Eric. "Gymnastics for everyone." She grabbed his hand and led the charge outside to the courtyard the large manor was built around.

Eric asked Colin and James to help him move the wicker lounge that was placed in the middle of the turf so that there was more room to manoeuvre.

"Vat are you doink?" Embry whispered in her ear as he joined the crowd. Leah couldn't identify the precise accent he was attempting, although it sounded like he was impersonating Dracula.

"Cartwheels, by the look of it," she answered in her best Indian accent (which even she was prepared to admit wasn't very good).

"Not cartwheels," Eric called. "Round offs. It's different. You land on both feet." He demonstrated for them all, throwing his body weight, limbs propelling him forward as he tumbled over, landing facing Leah with his hands raised as if to make a 'Y' shape with his body.

"Why don't you give it a shot?" he suggested to Edward, who appeared on the elevated veranda behind them with Jasper in tow.

"I'm not sure I'm appropriately dressed for such activity." Edward gave Eric a withering look.

"Don't be a killjoy Eddikins," Emmett hollered. "Bombs awaaay!" He careened forward in an attempted somersault that had him landing on his rear, sprawled out on the lawn.

Even Leah joined in with everyone's laughter and Emmett grinned at her. She gave him a thumbs-up in approval. She liked that he didn't take himself too seriously.

"Your turn," Eric coaxed Leah.

She kicked her heels off, biting her lips as she tried to work out the logistics of her next move.

"Wait!" Quil called as he moved towards her. "It's a nice dress, let's just take a second to tuck it out of the way." He leaned forward, grabbing one of the chiffon fabric pieces stretching out from Leah's waistline. "May I?" She nodded as he gently wound the material around her midsection so that the train was concealed. Leah thanked her lucky stars her petticoat wasn't see-through. "You're going to end up flashing everyone, chica - you okay with that?" He spoke his last sentence under his breath so it was inaudible to all but the two of them.

"I'm actually wearing bike-shorts underneath the dress," she informed him. It was either sweats or a thong and Leah had no desire to spend her first night as the Bachelorette feeling like she was having her ass flossed. She'd pick comfort over seduction any day.

"Atta girl," Quil beamed at her, squeezing her hand.

It occurred to Leah that both conversations she'd had with Quil had somehow involved discussing her underwear. She didn't dwell on the thought though. Instead, she spirited ahead, rotating her body and landing perfectly on both feet.

"Woo! Ten out of ten," Tyler called.

"My ex wife would never to anything so bold," she heard Jared saying in the background. _Was that a good thing or a bad thing?_

Leah's acrobatics seemed to loosen everyone's inhibitions. Brady and Colin joined Eric in doing handstands against the ivy-covered manor walls and Jasper began demonstrating some sort of martial art to Paul and Emmett.

Leah was clutching her side from the ache of her endless giggles when she watched Mike's cartwheel veer off-course. As he rolled forward there was a ripping noise and she came face to face with white flesh and fabric with small images of Mickey Mouse embossed on it.

"Shit. He ripped his trousers."

Leah wasn't sure who said it, but they were entirely correct.

"Wardrobe!" Brady called. "We need wardrobe - stat."

Carlisle materialised and Tyler and Eric rushed forward to help a blushing Mike to his feet, hands trying desperately to cover his exposed bottom.

"It's all fun and games until somebody rips their pants," Embry said solemnly.

"I dunno," Paul snickered. "Pants ripping can be plenty of fun, but that boy doesn't have the moves."

Leah was whisked into a room with yet another settee, this time a plush velvet chair where she was asked to recap the night's events and report her first impressions on all the contestants. She found herself gushing a little about some of the guys and she dug her nails into her palms when they asked her about Mike's ripped pants. She didn't want to laugh at him on national television – and it could have happened to anyone really.

"Great job, Leah." Carlisle strolled into the room. "We're going to go straight to the Rose Ceremony. Have you decided which two you're going to send home?"

Leah frowned. She'd only just met them all. How could she possibly send two people home?

Her fear must have shown because Carlisle lowered his voice. "Leah. This elimination really is about first impressions. You already know at least two people you would definitely never end up with. You can't over-think this."

"I over-think everything."

"Good thing you came on this show looking for a change."

With great reluctance, Leah gave Carlisle two names, hands shaking as she wrote them down. _If she felt like this in the first episode, how was she going to handle the finale when it was a choice between two_?

She was ushered into a long hall where all of the Bachelors were standing in rows like they were posing for a school portrait. Two rows of five with one elevated row of four behind them. Leah noticed Mike squarely in the centre and wondered if he had been placed in such a sheltered position because they hadn't been able to remedy his clothing catastrophe.

There were fourteen men, but only twelve roses were placed on a gilded table.

Carlisle entered with a flourish and told all the contestants the rules, reminding everyone (again) that for two contestants the 'journey would soon be over'.

The voice in Leah's ear crackled and a producer dictated the order which she was to read the names. She wondered if there was a science to it. Did they pick people based on who the producers liked most? Who they thought she liked most? Who they expected the audience would most hate?

"Tyler," Leah announced. He began walking towards her.

"Wait... Wait," the producer cautioned.

Tyler paused in front of her while she grinned uncomfortably.

"Wait," the voice commanded. "Now!"

"Will you accept this rose?" she asked.

Tyler beamed. "I will." She handed him the flower and he winked at her. "Fake it 'til you make it," he mouthed, before turning to stand to the side. She let out a breath she hadn't realised she was holding. _There was something about Tyler that made her feel at ease_.

"James," she called out, relaxing into the rhythm of the movement of contestants and directives blaring at her, unbeknownst to anyone else. James was followed by Emmett, Paul, Jacob, Quil, Jasper, Eric, Brady and Embry.

Four men stood in front of her: Edward, Jared, Colin and Mike, who looked dangerously close to tears.

"Call Edward next," the voice directed.

Leah looked back at the men. Mike's lower lip was trembling.

 _Fuck. This. Shit._

"Mike," Leah called, ignoring her outraged earpiece. Mike stumbled across the room with a delighted grin that was sure to soften even the hardest of hearts. "Will you accept this rose?"

"Of course." He hugged her.

"I once sat in gum on a first date and spent an hour trying to detach it from my dress," she whispered as she squeezed him. He pulled back reluctantly, giving her an adoring look.

"Edward," Leah proclaimed as Mike took his place with the other successful contestants.

"We'll talk about this as soon as the show finishes," the voice in her ear intoned ominously.

Edward accepted his rose graciously and Leah was left to stare at a distraught looking Jared and Colin.

"Jared and Colin," Carlisle declared, "You have not been given a rose and have not made it into Leah's final twelve bachelors. As such, you will both be going home." The boys said a hurried goodbye, waving at Leah half-heartedly as they exited to the left. "Now," Carlisle continued, addressing the remaining contestants, "Bachelors take the time to settle in, because tomorrow Leah will be taking one lucky man on an individual date, followed by a group date the next day and another elimination." Carlisle turned his head to face the camera. "Who will go? Who will stay? Tune in on the Bachelorette."

~~~TLW~~~

"Why didn't you send home Not So Magic-Mike?" Rosalie demanded, snapping Leah's attention back to the present.

"Because I'm not a bitch," Leah replied irritably.

"Yes you are." Rosalie crossed her arms across her chest. "It's one of your most endearing features."

"Takes one to know one blondie," Leah retorted, before they both fell on the floor laughing.

* * *

/

/

/

 **A/N: Are you having fun? I laughed a lot while writing. Who do you think will get the individual date? What should they do? Any crazy ideas for the group date?**


	4. Lights, Camera and (lots of) Action

**A/N: So it's been a while. I had a baby. She's amazing.**

 **4\. Lights, Camera and (lots of) Action**

"So Leah. Did you know who would be the winner right away?"

Leah paused. Every time she did an interview she had to walk the fine line between being interesting and not breaching her non-disclosure agreement. Then, even if she had a suitable answer, she had to consider whether her boyfriend or the losing contestants would find it offensive.

 _She was so screwed._

"Um... yes and no," she replied, hedging her bets. "There was an immediate connection, but it took time for that to grow into something more."

 _Come to think of it, that wasn't that bad a response. Maybe she should consider a career in politics or international diplomacy._ She looked up nervously, glad at least that this was a radio spot so she didn't have to worry about her facial expressions.

"And did it?"

"Did it what?"

"Did it grow into something more? Or to ask the question all our listeners are asking Leah, did it turn into love? Are you still together?"

Leah's face turned red. She would never get used to talking about her feelings to the whole universe. In a small room with cameras was bad enough, but now that the show was broadcasting, nothing about her life was private anymore. "Yes... to both. I am very much in love and we are still together. We're looking forward to the finale being broadcast so that we can go out in public and just do… normal couple things."

"Are you worried about the winner watching the show?" the interviewer asked.

Leah cringed. The interviewer was asking her about her biggest fear. Once the first episode had aired and she had realised that she hadn't been portrayed as a complete ditz, her mind had shifted to what her boyfriend would think watching her go on romantic outings with other guys, particularly because of what could be changed in editing. The first cocktail party had gone for hours, but had been reduced to just 15 minutes of footage. Some romantic moments had been withheld and others created entirely with soft lighting and music underscoring what Leah had considered innocuous interactions.

 _What the public saw was not necessarily what had happened_.

"Leah?" the interviewer prompted her, jolting her out of her thoughts.

"Yes," she admitted. "I am worried – but I just have to trust that if we made it through making the show, we can make it through the world watching it."

***TLW***

 **Castle Cock (three months earlier)**

A bevy of bachelors were lounging in a carefully manicured garden, complete with tropical swimming pool when a large envelope was dropped near the buffet food stand by an extremely self-satisfied junior producer.

Edward – whose fairer complexion limited the extent to which he could participate in outdoor activities – spotted the date card immediately and wasted no time rounding up the contestants to read it to them.

"Help! Pam Shorts's broken both her legs!" the invitation stated.

Edward furrowed his brow. "What an odd date. Is anyone here a doctor?"

The murmur of the bachelors chatting amongst themselves was interrupted by Embry and Quil guffawing at the back of the crowd.

"It's from a movie," Quil laughed. "Strictly Ballroom."

"Pam Shorts's broken both her legs, and I wanna dance with you." Embry quoted in a truly terrible Australian accent.

"Oh," Edward responded, still bewildered by the note in front of him. "Paul, it lists you as the person going on the date… I do hope you can help Ms Shorts… and entertain Leah."

"Dancing," Paul stated, grinning widely as he fist-pumped Emmett. "Awesome."

***TLW***

The voice-over blared loudly while an image of Leah walking alone on a deserted windy beach flickered. " _I chose Paul for this first date because I want to get to know him better. He was the first bachelor to introduce himself, and I was too nervous to ask him anything. We seemed to have instant chemistry and I want to explore whether there really is something there."_

"Oh please," Rosalie crowed, spilling champagne as she gestured wildly. "Why couldn't you just say he looks like sex on legs and you picked him because you wanted to bang him senseless?"

Leah groaned. "Would you be upset if I told you I initially wanted to pick Tyler, but the producers talked me out of it?"

"Yes. I would be upset. Tyler seems perfectly nice, but Paul is a dreamboat. This isn't just about you Leah. You're doing this for the women of America."

"I'm pretty sure my romantic life _is_ about me," Leah protested.

"Shh," Rosalie waved her hand wildly. "The commercial break's ending.

***TLW***

Leah waited patiently at the steps of the dance studio.

Like most girls, she had done some dancing as a child and considered herself reasonably graceful when she didn't have a camera crew pointed at her, but she couldn't help but worry that the cumulative effect of Paul's good looks and being watched by so many people would reduce her to a bumbling, clumsy, idiot.

She smoothed the folds of her silky yellow halter neck dress as she watched Paul's Limo approach. Her gown was tailor made for dancing with its shorter front and longer back that fluttered outwards when she moved.

"You look stunning," Paul drawled as he emerged from the car.

This time Leah remembered to actually use words. "Thanks, so do you," she answered as he kissed her cheek.

He really did look amazing. He wore a crisp suit with a blue velvet jacket – both of which fit him so snugly that Leah found herself observing the broadness of his shoulders and the leanness of his muscled waist.

 _Don't panic,_ she chanted to herself as she extended her hand to him. He took it immediately and bit back a smile.

"So," Leah began, suddenly not so troubled by being talked into Paul as a date choice. "When I was younger I watched every dancing movie ever made: Strictly Ballroom, Footloose, Centre Stage… all of them."

"Nobody puts Leah in a corner," Paul responded sagely.

"Exactly." Leah replied. "So I thought we could learn to Tango today." She guided them both into the large studio room that had been selected because its odd shape allowed the camera crew to film easily and from multiple angles while appearing invisible.

"Isn't the Tango the one the guy does with the rose in his mouth?" Paul remarked, smirking at her suggestively.

"Cute… but I didn't pack any roses in my handbag so I can't be handing out any while we're here."

Paul held her hand while they watched two dance instructors demonstrate the Tango to them. Their bodies seemed to speak as the dramatic music played in the background and Leah was struck by the intimacy of this kind of dance. She dropped Paul's hand to clap wildly as the instructors came to a halt.

"That was fantastic," she called.

"Now it's your turn," the male instructor announced.

Paul shrugged his jacket off without hesitation and he stood facing her expectantly.

"First you learn how to hold each other," the instructor directed in a thick accent. "Leah put your left arm around Paul's shoulder, Paul put your right arm at the small of Leah's back, then you clasp the other hands."

Paul jolted into gear and Leah was pulled into a tight embrace.

"Good. Now Paul you walk forward. You're the lead. You indicate your intention to advance by leaning. Leah, you have to extend your leg backward following him. Step, step…one step per beat. You need to keep your chest touching, okay?"

Leah shivered as the distance between Paul's body and her own disappeared entirely as they moved in time to the music. She was naturally athletic with dance experience and Paul seemed to immediately pick up the steps.

"I didn't ask you what you did when we met the other night," she remarked.

"You didn't." Paul agreed. "I'm in sales."

"Oh," Leah responded. _What did that actually mean?_

"It's long hours, late nights, and lots of travel but it's important to me to have a career. What do you do?"

"Employee relations," Leah replied on autopilot. Paul raised an eyebrow and she realised that her answer might be just as mysterious to him as his was to her. She was about to elaborate when the instructor interrupted them to teach them new steps as part of a routine.

Leah gave up on trying to chat to Paul as she focussed on putting her feet in the right places. Paul was performing each move perfectly- but she often seemed just a moment behind the beat, a little slow to react.

"You are doing well for a beginner," the instructor reassured her.

"He's right," Paul agreed as he pulled her into a seamless dip. "You move beautifully."

"Just a little slow," Leah corrected.

"I'm the leader," Paul objected. "If anything is out of time or sketchy it's all on me."

 _Smooth_ , Leah thought.

"Eye contact!" the instructor shouted. "Always, always looking at each other."

Leah lifted her gaze back up to Paul's. She had never stared at someone so intently and she found herself noticing little things about him that she never would have caught otherwise: the way his lips curled at one side; the green flecks in his eyes that made them more hazel than brown.

 _Maybe the producers were on to something._

Just when Leah felt she was mastering a step, the instructor would add something new, whether it was fancy footwork, twirling or Paul lifting her. Leah's instinctual desire to manage the moves drove her past the awkwardness or being ordered to trail her hands along Paul's chest.

"Leah, move your bam more," the instructor called.

 _What the hell is my bam?_ She thought as she tried to make eye contact with a producer.

"Your bam! Your bam!" the instructor called, this time louder.

"I'm not sure where my bam is," Leah muttered.

"He means your butt," Paul laughed.

"Oh," Leah blushed. Paul brought his other hand down to her waist.

"It's all in your hips," he advised, applying pressure so that Leah sashayed, her weight shifting from side to side.

Leah furrowed her brow. "How do you know so much about the Tango?"

Paul grinned. "Obviously, I'm your perfect match – here to bring all your dance-movie inspired fantasies to life."

Leah bit her lip. Paul was coming on so strong. She knew that was the premise of the show, but his attention and its intensity made her more than a little uncomfortable.

"What if I'm not yours?" Leah asked mid-step.

"My what?" Paul queried.

"Your perfect match." Leah knew it probably wasn't great television, but she had to understand why this complete stranger was making such an effort to woo her. "You don't know anything about me, other than that my fiancé ditched me and that I can do great cartwheels and moderately good Tango. Why would you want to date me?"

For the first time since the dancing had begun, Paul fell behind the beat as he stared at her, bewildered. Leah began to panic. _What if he walked out right this moment because she was being annoying?_ She was the one who had instigated this ridiculously romantic and physical activity for a first date with someone she barely knew. How could she be put-off by him throwing himself into the challenge and being charming while he did? She was on the verge of hyperventilating when she was unexpectedly rotated sideways and dipped in a dramatic flourish.

Her body was only a foot from the ground and Paul's face hovered millimetres above hers.

"I like what I've seen so far," Paul whispered as he guided Leah's body so that it slithered up against his own. "Why wouldn't I want to date you?"

Leah almost answered him, almost told him any number of the reasons why she had such persistent bad luck with relationships, but before she could, she was silenced by Paul pressing his lips firmly against hers.

He caught her off guard, all the while pulling her closer and closer. It was utterly unexpected, although not unpleasant and Leah threw caution to the wind, kissing him back for no other reason than because she could. She never quite forgot about the instructor and crew, all of whom were surely watching her, but she forgot – momentarily – that she was meant to be heartbroken.

That alone made the kiss something special.

 **A/N: So I'm a bit out of practice and operating on very limited sleep, but let me know if you're still interested in reading this story. Is Paul a dreamboat or a total weirdo? Sound off in the comments.**


End file.
